Discussion in '2006 Scion Fuse' started by Land Quail, Apr 18, 2006.

  1. I think that the best way to explain Drive-by-Wire technology is to present the moment of its inception through the format of a one act play.

    Int, Scion Concept Development Studio, Day
    (CHOO, a 17-year old Asian-American California Neo-Hipster working as an unpaid Scion Intern and chief project manager for the Fuse project enters the room and sits at a drafting table.)

    CHOO: I've got it! Finally a way to make the Fuse really stand out from the crowd!

    Int, Scion Concept Development Stodio, Day
    (Carl Buzzby, a balding, aging engineer with numerous car designs under his belt suddenly spits his mouthfull of coffee back into his mug, which is emblazoned with the words "Toyota-World Rally Championship Victory 1992" slowly fading from its surface.

    CHOO: Don't you want to hear, Mr. Carl?

    CARL: (unintelligible mumbling)

    CHOO: I have designed Drive-by-Wire steering system for the concept car!

    CARL: Why?

    CHOO: Because with this system I completely eliminate the steering column and free up over two cubic meters of room under the hood and dash assembly!

    CARL: You gonna put more-a-your little TV's under there, I imagine.

    CHOO: And a Gamecube. For Unexpected Social Events.

    CARL: Like if the #$%#ing elementary school catches fire and all the kids have to seek shelter in your Fuse. (under his breath)

    CHOO: What you say, Mr. Carl?

    CARL: I said how is anyone supposed to really drive the car if the steering wheel isn't attatched to anything.

    CHOO: It's attatched to precision devices that interperets the...

    CARL: There won't be any steering feel you ignorant little pup.

    CHOO: Steering feel?

    CARL: You probably don't remember it, but once, long ago, drivers could determine how much grip their front tires had in reserve by feeling it through the steering wheel.

    CHOO: You talk old-fasion nonsense. Why not we make Fuse run on steam too to satisfy old fool in corner. We not in business of making car drive. That why it full of Playstation. Play Gran Turismo on screen in sun visor. Use real steering wheel. It the best. Wi-Fi.

    CARL: So your three-million dollar concept doesn't have any steering feel?

    CHOO: OK, OK, I design complicated array of yaw sensors and pitot tubes and gyroscopes and little motors to give steering feel. But it probably weigh half ton. Too much trouble. No room for xenon interior mood lighting or on-board DNA sequencer.

    And so you see how that probably happened. Why, out of all the things to overcomplicate, do car makers keep tinkering with the steering? BMW just re-worked their adaptive steering rack in the face of consumer complaints that the car was undrivable in the transition from motorway to parking lot speeds. And now Scion is joining the gang of manufacturers threatening to introduce the dastardly drive-by-wire system on what are purported to be sports cars.

    Scion needs to step out of the performance game before it embarrasses itself further. They already have the X/B, which looks like a refridgerator with windows, the X/A, which looks like a panfish, and the X/C, which looks like an overweight housecat.

    The B and A are powered by a 103 horsepower inline transverse four that would be really fast in a mini, or fiat X 1/9, but in a 2,300 lb tiny minivan can barely keep the vehicle abreast with traffic. Keep in mind, that this miserable little powerplant makes 103hp with the advantage of variable valve timing and a 10.5/1 compression ratio.

    The X/C is the pick of the litter though, with the already flabby styling stretched beyond its means to cover all that Camry chassis underneath. And under the hood? A 2.4 liter I-4. Now doesn't that sound nice? Toyota's smaller displacement 4 offered in the Celica makes 140hp out of 1.8 liters, now just imagine the thrill of exploring that engine scaled up to 2.4...

    Stop. Toyota didn't come up with a large-scale version of its potent Celica engine for this one, goodness no, they simply plucked the wheezing, thin, heavy, uninspiring, gutless powerplant out of a Camry.
    2.4 liters, 160hp. Jesus...

    Scion should just throw in the towell on taking over the fast import scene and concentrate on producing hip urban "Party Machines."

    They could call their new car the Scion TRANCEPARTY. I can see the ads...

    "Behold. The all new 2008 Scion TRANCEPARTY. Feast your eyes on our eye-popping transluminescent paint that electronically cycles between over one million colors so fast that it always looks sort of brown. Feel the supportive neoprene interior and bask in the warm glow of orange mood lighting strips suspended from the roof. And all that flashing light is sure to attract an "Unexpected Social Event" or two , in which case you'll be the talk of the town when over one dozen DJ tables pop up from the floor and roof and fold down from the walls. You will really get the party pumping when at the flick of a switch a 60'x45' "warehouse" unfolds itself from the TRANCEPARTY's rear hatch to the beat of DJ Jazzy Jeff, who personally accompanies every TRANCEPARTY wherever it goes. You're ready to trance all night to this DJ, wherever you are--Even while speeding down the road!--Just make sure that everybody notices the water dispenser located conveniently on the hood (next to the little TV behind the Scion Badge showing blue swirly shit 24/7) so they don't all #$%#ing die!

    Why, you ask? Because at Scion, we know that everthing in life goes better when you're tripping balls and flailing around to the beat of world-class electronica, and designing cars is no exception!

    Scion. Trip Your Balls Off"

    Wouldn't that be fun? Of course you'd want to put that 103 horsepower 1.5 liter in it, just to "keep it real" and all.

    Stupid #$%#ing car company.

  2. Well said. Borderline rascist, but amusing. My only question is, unless this is a 1-turn to lock steering wheel, how are you supposed to make hard turns? K-turns spring to mind. You can't put your hand through the wheel because there's an LCD screen stuck in there.

Share This Page