100 quotes from fundamentalist christian forums

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by blackwood, Feb 1, 2008.

  1. #1 blackwood, Feb 1, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 25, 2016

    I'm quite certain at least some of those are fake, but there is some top tier stuff on there.

    My favorites have to be:

    "The only thing I don't like about them is they sell foreign language versions of the KJB. I don't think that's right. We know the only true translation is the 1600's version in English. It's too risky for anybody to translate that into other languages. Mistakes can creep in... and that can lead to heresy. True Christians should only read English."

    Same theme:

    "The word of God has been in heaven forever. The KJV has always been there. The so called Hebrew words like Alleluia are English words. The English did not borrow them from the Hebrew but rather the Hebrew borrowed them from the English. If the KJV has always been there and is the original word of God then there is no other conclusion. The same can be said for any so called Greek words that were borrowed from the Greek or transliterated. It is a matter of what bias you approach this particular subject."

    And the absolute best:

    "Everyone knows scientists insist on using complex terminology to make it harder for True Christians to refute their claims. Deoxyribonucleic Acid, for example... sounds impressive, right? But have you ever seen what happens if you put something in acid? It dissolves! If we had all this acid in our cells, we'd all dissolve! So much for the Theory of Evolution, Check MATE!"
  2. These motherf*ckers stole my long-standing comic assertion that the god only speaks English!!!!
  3. Which begs the question... shouldn't it be called Heavenish?

  4. I've heard amazing things about Dream Theater. Are they true?
  5. There are a lot of things I have concluded to be wrong, without studying them in-depth. Evolution is one of them. The fact that I don't know that much about it does not bother me in the least.
  6. If u have sex before marriage then in Gods eyes u are married to that person if a man rapes a woman in Gods eyes they are married it sucks for the girl but what can we do lol
  7. Blackwood, are you sure those quotes weren't from people sarcastically mocking them? Nobody can be that stupid.
  8. Every repost is a repost of a repost.
  9. Most likely.

    I've been listening to them since 1994, and they rarely disappoint (especially live).

  10. That's what I meant when I said "I'm quite certain at least some of those are fake"
  11. This has been posted before, but each time it is awesome.

    And how is this not the best:

    One of the most basic laws in the universe is the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This states that as time goes by, entropy in an environment will increase. Evolution argues differently against a law that is accepted EVERYWHERE BY EVERYONE. Evolution says that we started out simple, and over time became more complex. That just isn't possible: UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy. If there were such a source, scientists would certainly know about it. [emphasis added]

    The concept of being correct about thermodynamics, but somehow missing the concept of the Sun, is brilliant.
  12. best evrar
  13. * I am a bit troubled. I believe my son has a girlfriend, because she left a dirty magazine with men in it under his bed. My son is only 16 and I really don't think he's ready to date yet. What's worse is that he's sneaking some girl to his room behind my back. I need help, God! I want my son to stop being so secretive!
  14. how many times does this need to be posted?
  15. 100
  16. "In my opinion, if an animal in the wild like a swan is caught being gay it should be shot on sight, disinfected, and used to feed the poor. "
  17. And holy crap at this one:

    "I'm not talking about a simple power outage. I'm talking about enriched plutonium which comes from the conversion of uranium into WMD. It is considered the most dangerous substance known to man and absolutely will shut off the electricity present in planes. All any terrorist has to do is drop large quantities of plutonium from airplanes onto American soil and it will render electricity completely useless. And the chain reaction that will occur from the US shutting down will be global. We Americans have had the capacity to do that to our enemies for years. I had erroneoulsy thought that atheists knew that since they claim to know so much about our universe. "
  18. But if you eat teh gay, ur gonna catch it. <A BORDER="0" HREF="http://www.supercars.net/PitLane?displayFAQ=y"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="pitlane/emoticons/confused.gif"></A>

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