So, something happened.... Life is a little upside down.

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by DIGGS, Oct 2, 2019.

  1. I don't know why I feel like airing this here as I haven't even told my family yet. But my wife and I are seperating.
    I don't even know what to do with myself. In so many ways this makes me happy as I haven't been happy in this marriage in years. But it also makes me very sad and depressed. I think it's because I know it's going to be very hard on my children. But it hasn't been healthy for them the past while due to constant tension and bickering. All in all its for the best, but still can't help but be devastated at the same time.

    As strange as it sounds I feel more comfortable in some ways telling you guys than my "real life" friends and there are some of you I've "known" longer than most of my "real life" friends. Who knows maybe I will ask a mod to delete this post later. But I think I just needed to get it off my chest.
  2. I always thought it a bad idea for people to stay together "for the kids". All you're teaching them is to live some unhappy facade. So, ultimately, I think your kids will be fine. How old are they?
    SEABEE likes this.
  3. You're making the right choice. The fact that you're feeling so bad just shows how important your family is to you, but in the long run this will be best for all of you. It is imperative that you do this as nice and calmly as possible, so that you are able to stay in touch afterwards. This is what you should be doing for your kids. When divorced parents want nothing to do with each other, it makes it hard for the children to juggle between them, and one parent will often be lonely. So, being able to spend holidays together should be a major ambition. Stay strong.

    How old are the children?
    SEABEE likes this.
  4. Thank you
    My kids are 9,7 and 3.

    My wife and I are still on good terms. And it is absolutely going to be easier on the kids this way than staying together in a miserable relationship.
    But it definitely doesn't make it easier. Very little sleep.
    SEABEE and ETB4U like this.
  5. Sucks bro. Sorry to hear that.

    Why was there tension and bickering? Any particular reason?
  6. Too many big booty hoes videos.
  7. I was 9 when my parents divorced, and while it wasn't easy on anyone, the fact that neither of them moved far away (they're like 15 minutes away by foot from each other) and that they can stand to be together in the same room - made things much more sane for me.
    SEABEE and DIGGS like this.
  8. Honestly, I was a very shitty husband for the first year after we got married. And working in remote oil field camps didn't help. She could never get past my mistakes no matter what I did to make up for it. I took about a 45% pay cut to be home more and money has always been a hot topic since, as she makes more than I do now. We've just both become totally different people than we used to be. And just don't seem to get along.
  9. Well it seems you are realistic about what happened. I think you and the kids will be fine. Just keep living, remembering what you've learned.
    And big booty hoes.
  10. If there's one thing I can rely on, It's the warmth and compassion from people here when the going gets tough.

    I'm really sorry that you're going through something as awful as this.

    My parents started divorce proceedings and my dad moved out when I was 7 years old (my sister was 9). Tbh these days I'm not exactly sure which year it was but I seem to have that age imprinted in my mind. In retrospect, the one thing that I wish had happened was for the dialogue between my parents and myself to have been more open, and to have remained open as I got older and my ability to wrap my head around such an impactful scenario improved. The one thing that was made clear from both my mum and my dad straight away was that my sister and I weren't in any way a catalyst to the breakdown of their relationship, which did help me to start accepting the situation early on and did reassure me when shit hit the fan, but as I got older and my parents carried on living their own lives the discussion didn't continue and I felt locked out. I still have questions even today, but I don't think bringing it all back up would be particularly constructive now that so much water has passed under that particular bridge. Both of my parents eventually remarried and spent more time with their second spouses than they did with each other, so it's literally a lifetime away.

    It will most certainly be traumatic for your kids which sadly is something you can't avoid. My memory of it kicking off was that my dad broke the news to me first but I found out much later in life that mum told us first. I still have no memory of my mum telling my sister and I, but I guess the experience was so traumatic at the time that I've blocked it from my memory. The one thing you can control though is to make sure they fully understand it all, even if it's a conversation that happens for years to come. Don't be afraid to be open about it. In my situation I think it would have helped me to maintain a good relationship with my dad.
    SuperSonic likes this.
  11. Sorry to hear that but you can't fight it if you know you're not happy. That's no way to live. Be civil with her, and great with the kids, and find a girl (or don't) who is cool with the whole situation

    You'll come out of this okay
    Veyronman and DIGGS like this.

  12. I'm just going to stick with rub and tugs for awhile. They are cool with most situations
    ETB4U and SEABEE like this.
  13. I was going to write much the same as Idol in his first post. Well written.
    SEABEE and IdoL like this.
  14. Or find some decent fat slurries you can split roast with your mates.
  15. Not to rub salt in wounds here, but from watching friends go through divorces, the worst thing for you, will be that once this happens, you cannot control which man or men come into your ex wifes life, and such, into your kids life. They will spend a lot of time with someone/people you might not like. You wont be there most of the time to comfort them, for things like when they wake up from nightmares. They will naturally want their love bought, and pit parents against each other. They will most likely hate whoever you end up with.

    Be on guard for any of this. I had a friend recently and mutually break up with his wife because they fought a lot and 'dont love each other anymore', and he says now he'd rather have stayed there, unhappy, than see his kids meet new men all the time (ex has had a few boyfriends and lived in group houses since breakup), and spend so much time with all these people he doesnt know.

    Sucky situation man, and sorry to hear about it. I really hope and pray you can work out the best paths to take from here on out, for you and your children. As others have said already, be friendly with your ex, and honest with your children (in time) as you have been here.
    SEABEE likes this.
  16. I come from a split home and my oldest son is actually my step son. I am hoping this will help with my/our ability to sort through this situation.

    Thank you all for your kind thoughts and words.
  17. Did you #€@% a bear?

    Life is too short to #€@% people you don't really want to #€@%. Besides, marriage and all those archaic penis-regulating conventions meant to keep one's offspring somehow alive in 16th century France are gay as #€@%.
    Veyronman and SEABEE like this.
  18. One of my best friends went through this recently. He didn't want to split up but his (now)ex-wife insisted and also she's kind of crazy. His kids were around 8 and 6 when it happened. What seemed to help them the most was the stability he provided. Kids are smart if you raise them well and they can kinda tell their mom is nuts but still love her. He kept, and still keeps, their lives active which I think is the best you can do for them. Sports, scouts (he's their scoutmaster), he plays video games with them - your kids will make it through this.

    I was 4 when my parents split and don't remember much so the 3 year old will probably be the easiest with this. My dad not giving a shit about being a part of my life did the most damage. If you're both still there for them, they'll be okay.
  19. Hey man, It kinda sucks you are only now reaching out to other dudes. I don't know if you can salvage the relationship but there is a couple things to keep in mind. You are alive. Your worst day is someone's best.

    If you need more help, 'Order of Man' is a group on facebook where there is a lot of guys who have traveled down your road. I've not, mostly because I learned from my friends mistakes on what I need to do to be a good husband. (not trying to poke fun, but marriage needs work, always).

    What I have found is that if you can be the best you, and have an open ear to your family, good things will happen. Confidence, but not being an asshole can be a fine line. Always communicate with your special someone. Better to be honest early on and tell them to be honest with you then let little things turn into big things.
    SEABEE likes this.
  20. No, not really. You are creating a habit of false satisfaction. Go find yourself a young woman engineer or doctor who likes to play around. Better to work as a team than pay someone for a few minutes of regret.
    Aych Es Vee likes this.
  21. No, fat slurries. Always.

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